Six step reframing is an NLP technique for changing an unwanted behaviour by negotiating with the part of you that produces it, instead of fighting that part. You treat the behaviour as something that has a purpose, find out what that purpose is, and then generate better ways of serving the same purpose. It was described by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in their 1982 book Reframing: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Transformation of Meaning, and it is still one of the clearest demonstrations of the idea that every behaviour carries a positive intention.
The technique is used for habits that resist willpower: nail biting, procrastination, blurting things out in meetings, reaching for the phone at midnight. Anything where you already decided to stop and then did it anyway.
The six steps at a glance
| Step | What you do | What you are listening for |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Identify the behaviour | Name the specific thing you want to change, and call it X | One behaviour, not a whole personality |
| 2. Establish communication | Ask inwardly: is the part responsible for X willing to talk to me? | A signal you did not consciously produce: a feeling, an image, a sound, a tension |
| 3. Separate intention from behaviour | Ask what the part is trying to do for you by producing X | A purpose that is genuinely on your side, even if the method is poor |
| 4. Generate alternatives | Ask your creative part for at least three other ways to serve that purpose | Options, without judging them yet |
| 5. Get acceptance | Ask the original part whether it will use the new options over the next weeks | A clear yes, or an honest no that sends you back to step 4 |
| 6. Ecology check | Ask whether any other part of you objects to the new choices | Hesitation, a sinking feeling, a “yes, but” that has not been heard |
Why negotiate with a “part” instead of just stopping?
Because the behaviour is usually doing a job, and removing it without replacing the job simply moves the symptom somewhere else. That is the observation behind the whole technique: someone quits smoking through sheer discipline and starts eating sugar, or stops interrupting in meetings and goes silent for a year.
“Parts” here is a working metaphor, not a claim about how the brain is built. It describes the ordinary experience of wanting two incompatible things at once. NLP calls the principle behind step 3 the positive intention: the assumption that behind even a destructive habit sits an attempt at protection, relief, connection or control. You do not have to believe it as a truth about human nature. You only have to use it as a question, because the question produces answers that ordinary self criticism never does. The wider idea is covered in our glossary entry on reframing in NLP.
How do you actually run the six steps on yourself?
Slowly, in one sitting of about twenty minutes, with a pen in your hand and no audience. The most common mistake is racing through the middle steps because the answers feel obvious. They are not obvious. The answer you get in step 3 is often the useful surprise of the whole process.
- Pick the behaviour. “I check my phone the second a conversation pauses”, not “I am addicted to my phone”.
- Ask for contact. Ask the part responsible whether it is willing to communicate with you, then wait. Notice what changes: a warmth, a tightening, a picture, a word. Decide which change means yes.
- Ask what it is for. “What are you doing for me when you make me do this?” Keep asking upward until you hit something you would not want to lose. Relief. Being liked. Not being caught out.
- Ask for at least three better routes. Hand the question to whatever in you is inventive, and collect options without editing. Three is the minimum because the first idea is usually the old habit wearing a hat.
- Check for a commitment. Ask the original part whether it will try the new options first, for the next few weeks. If the answer is no, you missed something in step 3 or your options are worse than the habit.
- Check the rest of you. Ask whether any other part objects. Objections are information, not failure. Take each one back into step 4.
Step 6 is the one people skip, and skipping it is why changes made in a good mood fall apart three weeks later. It is the same principle as the ecology check that runs through every well built NLP intervention: a change that costs you something elsewhere will be quietly reversed.
How is six step reframing different from parts integration?
Six step reframing works with one part and its behaviour. Parts integration works with two parts in open conflict, and aims to bring them back together around a shared higher purpose. Different problem, different tool.
| Six step reframing | Parts integration | |
|---|---|---|
| Typical complaint | “I keep doing X even though I decided not to” | “Half of me wants this, half of me wants the opposite” |
| Number of parts involved | One, plus a creative resource | Two, in conflict |
| Goal | New behaviours for the same intention | One integrated state, no more internal argument |
| Time needed | Around 20 minutes | Usually longer, often with a practitioner |
Where does six step reframing fall short?
It fails in three predictable places, and knowing them saves you from concluding that the technique is nonsense.
First, when the “behaviour” is too broad. Depression, anxiety as a general condition, or “my whole relationship with food” are not single behaviours, and treating them as one produces vague answers you cannot act on. Second, when you answer for the part instead of waiting. If step 2 produces nothing and you decide what the part probably wants, you are just writing a wish list. Third, when the alternatives are theoretically better but practically harder. A part that uses your phone for two seconds of relief will not adopt a twenty minute meditation as a replacement. Match the effort, or the deal collapses.
The honest evidence position matters too. NLP techniques of this kind have very little controlled research behind them, and six step reframing has not been tested as a standalone treatment. What can be said is that its components, identifying a trigger, naming the function of a behaviour, and building alternative responses, overlap with methods that are well established in behavioural work. Use it as a self management tool. For anxiety, trauma, compulsive behaviour or anything affecting your health, this complements professional care and does not replace it.
What I see when people run this in training
Two things, almost every time. The first is that people rush step 3 and land on an answer that flatters them, something like “it wants me to be efficient”. When they slow down and ask the same question three more times, the answer changes into something plainer and less comfortable, and that is the version that produces workable alternatives. The second is that the technique changes how someone talks about themselves. After twenty minutes of asking a habit what it is for, the phrase “I am just lazy” tends not to come back. That shift in language is not decoration. In a model built on the idea that language shapes behaviour, it is most of the work.
Carolin Mallmann, Licensed Trainer of The Society of NLP, Lisbon
Six step reframing is one of the techniques taught and practised in our NLP Practitioner certification week in Lisbon, where you run it on a real habit rather than a hypothetical one, with someone watching who can tell you when you skipped step 6.
Frequently asked questions
Who created six step reframing?
Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the co-creators of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. They set the technique out in their 1982 book Reframing: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Transformation of Meaning, which grew out of seminars they gave in the late 1970s. It is one of the earliest NLP formats to use the language of parts and positive intention.
What are the six steps of six step reframing?
Identify the behaviour you want to change, establish communication with the part that produces it, separate that part’s positive intention from the behaviour itself, ask a creative part for at least three alternative ways to satisfy the intention, get the original part to accept responsibility for using them, and finish with an ecology check for objections from other parts.
Can I do six step reframing on my own?
Yes, and it is one of the NLP formats most suited to self work, because it is a structured conversation rather than something done to you. Give it around twenty minutes, write down the answers, and stop if the material turns out to be heavier than a habit. Working with a practitioner is the better route for anything with real emotional weight behind it.
What do I do if I get no signal in step 2?
Wait longer than feels natural, and lower the bar for what counts as a response. A slight change in breathing, a word that arrives unbidden, a shift of attention to a body sensation are all usable signals. If nothing comes at all, the behaviour you chose may be too broad or too recent to have a settled pattern behind it. Pick something more specific and try again.
How long do the results last?
That depends almost entirely on step 6. If no other part objects and the alternatives cost roughly the same effort as the old behaviour, the change tends to hold, because nothing inside you is working against it. If the change fades after a few weeks, the usual cause is an unheard objection rather than a failure of the method. Run the ecology check again and listen for the “yes, but”.
Is six step reframing the same as cognitive reframing?
No. Cognitive reframing changes how you interpret a situation, so a setback becomes feedback. Six step reframing changes behaviour by renegotiating with the internal source of that behaviour, and the interpretation shift is a side effect rather than the goal. They share a name and a family resemblance, not a procedure.
Keep exploring
- 12 NLP reframing examples and how to use them, for the shorter conversational moves that sit next to this format.
- Courses in Lisbon for English speakers, if you are weighing up learning this in a room rather than from a page.
Carolin Mallmann is a Licensed Trainer of The Society of NLP, trained by Richard Bandler. She has trained more than 300 people and runs English language NLP trainings in Lisbon in groups of no more than 10.
